Apology

Yeahh well I know what I'm about to type right now will be a violation of my "anti-love drama" principle or anything. Believe me when I'm saying this : this is something I gotta do. I owe him an apology. In this post, I'll be as open as hell. So I'll be thankful if you read this. No don't read it! Shit I'm basically confused am I supposed to be embarrassed or glad if he read this.
It might be too late to apologize considering low long has it been. But yeah I know I've been so cruel back then. I treated you like a worthless thing, like a toy. That was so mean of me. And because of my stupidity and childishness, I didn't give a shit about how you feel back then and focused on my own feelings. Did I ever tell you that once I played Truth-Or-Dare with my pals and when I asked what was my weakness they answered "selfishness"? Guess what, I think they're right. And I think you've been a main victim of my selfishness. Shit shit shit I really am a pain in the ass, right?
For all these months, I thought I could move the fuck on without thinking about you. But one remains from our relationship : my endless guilt. I was like a wicked witch who gave you hope and took it away easily as if I was taking a candy from a little baby. And I was being more selfish and stupid when I asked my friend to got us back together. Thank God you rejected it, because I'm worried if I'd hurt you again.
Now, it backfires. My cruelty to you backfires to myself. I feel guilt. That guilt makes me keep thinking about you, which makes me, believe it or not, still likes you.
My friend told you once the reason I broke you up was your corny interest as  a boy. I WAS SUCH A FUCKING SELFISH IDIOT MOTHERFUCKER. Right now, I want to smash my big head to a trashcan until it splits in two parts (I retract this statement back cause I realize that's stupid and suicidal). Now, I realized the moment I accepted your love was because I like you, physically. I ain't ready to accept you the way you are. I wanted you to be the boy that fits my type. I didn't accept you just the way you are. I told many people clever and nice guys are better than the handsome and cool ones. But back then I became a hypocrite and betrayed my own statement. You were clever and probably the NICEST GODDAMN GUY EVER but I broke you up because of your personal interest.
At this moment, I'm sure you already move on. Well, at least let me say sorry, for returning all your kindness by mean words and underestimating you. Sorry, bro. Seriously, I mean it. I'm sorry.
PS: sorry for the dirty words I know how inappropriate it really is but I can't resist so whaatever man.